Sobbing heart

I am still unable to get over what has happened. It came so fast and gone so fast.


"darling... mummy miss you soooo much"

I don't know when I could get over and move on. But for now my heart is still crying with pain.

Lost and gone forever.

Today is a very SAD day for us. We lost our 2nd one.

Hubby accompanied me to visit a local genealogist and he confirmed that I lost him/her. We were still hoping and praying for a different outcome.

I am really upset. "Sorry my darling.. really sorry.. that mummy's body is not strong enough to keep you..."

I am thankful that I have a caring hubby with me. He comforted me that this is not my fault and maybe this is fate and we shall put this behind us and move on. I know he is very upset too. "Sorry dear.. very sorry that I lost our 2nd little one... I know we want this soooo much and yet I lost it.."

Red blood discharge

After afternoon nap, I felt menses pain. I thought it was due to stomach upset as I had diarrhea since late morning. I don't feel right and discovered that I have red discharge. Although it is just light spotting, I feel uneasy. I checked online again and many said this is a symptom of miscarriage. I am very very upset and cried for quite a while. What is going on.. what is going wrong. Am I not pregnant in the first place and menses came late?

You might be wondering why I didn't visit a gynecologist immediately. It is because first of all we are not sure whether I am really pregnant. We are planning to go Miami in coming week for a ultrasound. Second, it is not easy to find a gyne. and I have doubts in the medical technology here. 

Menses flow.

I have the usual menses flow and comes with menses cramp. Hubby had got me a pregnancy kit and we thought I should test it again to confirm. It is positive. What is going wrong... Pregnant and with menses doesn't come together. I will be visiting a gyne. tomorrow.

Brown discharge

I was shocked to see brown discharge this morning. I quickly went online and check the possibilities of having brown discharge when I reached home. I am relieved to see that many said this is due to the growth and is a natural progress and it happened to many others. Really hope everything goes fine.

5th week

I just realized that I am 5 weeks pregnant and my baby is the size of sesame seed.

I didn't know that human gestation takes about 38 weeks from the day of conception to the delivery day. All along I thought it is 40 weeks. The reason why pregnancies are said to last 40 weeks is because EDD is calculated based on first day of last period.  I am using an online baby site (www.babycenter.com) to calculate my EDD. I love this site to bits. It gives week-to-week detailed growth explanation with picture illustration.


I am still feeling nausea sometimes. And feeling hungry more often than usual. I could some pain around uterus. Same as previous pregnancy. According to my previous gynecologist, it is due to placenta is growing into lining of uterus and this is normal.

As I will not be able to visit my gyne until I go back Singapore, I will be using babycenter more often than before to monitor my baby grow.

Beginning of my 9 months journey

I have been feeling a bit nausea and bloated for past few days.  I supposed to have my menses last Saturday but it didn't happen (today is Wednesday). Am I pregnant? I was tempted to use the pregnancy test kit that I brought from Singapore but hesitated at the same time as it is the last kit (I just brought two here). Well.. it is not difficult to get pregnancy kit here.. in fact it is pretty easy to get one.. just that I feel that Clearblue is trusty and I could not find the same brand here.

Since today I made watercess soup (is "cooling", should avoid during pregnancy) for dinner, I thought it is good if I could test it before dinner. This is the result.

Yea... I think I am pregnant. Feeling anxious and uncertain of the test kit result, I bought the kit downstair to show the hubby. We both saw the light vertical line... were feeling very happy and we hugged each other. Our little sweetheart shared our joy and we had a group hug.

Now I have to be very careful in what I am taking. After dinner, I took out chicken essence and maternal milk powder that I brought from Singapore. I got to be more careful this time as we are so far away from home and the medical technology here is not as advanced as back home.

I hope my 9 months journey is a smooth one. I could only do my first scan sometimes in June when I back to Singapore for a week. I will definitely deliver in Singapore as we will all going back in late July or latest early August. EDD should be sometime in Dec 2011.